Italian Wedding's (Part 1 of 2)

Bananas and I went to a wedding last weekend and before I can discuss that wedding, we must discuss the Italian wedding. Here are a few things we should all know.

* Gaudy is great: I never support gaudy, but when it comes to one of these wedding, gaudy is encouraged. For example, my brother had the ice sculpture martini glass that dispensed apple martinis all night long. As ridiculous as this was, it was a self service martini dispenser. Where do you see those?

* Family: Italian families are big....huge. My dad is the youngest of eight kids and as a result I am the youngest of 22 cousins (most of those cousins are married with kids). Granted, names like Vinny, Anthony, and Maria begin to repeat but there is tons of family all over the place. My dad's side of the family alone takes up at least 6-8 tables at one of these events. Seating is crucial because the older crowd must be far away from the band, but directly off the dance floor for a good view as to what's wrong with today's youth. The cousins are easy....as long as the music is good and the drinks are flowing, life is nice.

My cousin Anna on her wedding day

* Food: I feel for people when they go to their first Italian wedding. These people should wear stickers or have a mentor during the event. First things first...never eat before one of these. A wedding is like surgery, no food or drink at least 12 hour prior to the event. My second piece of advice, pace yourself. I promise you won't go home hungry and if you are on the dance floor when your pasta plate gets taken away...don't worry, more food is coming shortly. This section has to be broken up into sections:

-cocktail hour: most first timers think this is all the food that will be offered during the entire night. You can pick out a first timer by the amount of times they get food at the various stations that can include (but not limited to): veggies, cheeses, seafood, carving station, pasta station, hot antipasto, cold antipasto, breads, and people walking around with trays of food.

This is what not to do during cocktail hour, even if you are the one getting married

- first course: typically a quarter cantaloupe with a piece of prosciutto on top. This starts the night and cleanses the palette of cocktail hour. First timers would be thinking, "what the hell is this...you call this a salad?"
- salad: usually a tossed garden salad. First timer is now thinking, "wow, two salads!"
- pasta dish: Typical penne dish with a nice plain sauce. Not the biggest portion, but it will satisfy your carb craving. After this course the newbie is thinking, "I'm starting to get full, damn."
- main course: This is usually a choice of beef, chicken or seafood. Vegetarians do not exist in my culture. This is a huge plate of the choice meat with veggies and some sort of potato (never a baked potato). The newbie is thinking, "I wish I didn't eat all of that during cocktail hour because this looks good." This plate is rarely cleaned off, even the experienced attendee knows not to finish it off.

The cake table at Venetian Hour

- Venetian Hour: This is almost like cocktail hour with desserts. This is where drinking for quantity stops and quality begins. Now there are stations of espresso/cappuccino, chocolate fondue, cakes, pastries, fried doughs, cookies, after dinner liquors, candy, ice cream, and just pure gluttony. This not a time to think about the starving children in Africa, nor is it a time to talk about your diet. No one wants to hear about it, suck it up, tomorrow is another day.

On Monday, the newbie who just finished digesting their food that morning will brag about the wedding to their friends at work who have never been to such an event. "You gotta go to one of these weddings......" as if one can buy tickets. This guy will usually feel he has gone through some sort of initiation process and will remember it for the rest of his life.